Dear Santa,
I’ve been a good boy all year long, and I just know you’ll agree after I tell you all the wonderful things I’ve done. I’ve numbered ’em so you don’t miss anything. And it’s long so you might wanna grab me some popcorn.
My Good Boy Deeds
1. When I had an accident in the living room, I was totally gonna fess up, but then I overheard Yogi bellyaching about how he never gets enough attention so I selflessly pointed the finger at him, but did he thank me? Nope! The little ingrate just sat and glared at me. Rude.
2. For mom’s birthday, I took her on an all-expense-paid guilt trip to PetSmart.
3. Dad was feeling a little neglected, so I gave him a brand new set of fully loaded poop bags. Bet the neighbors are soooo jelly.
4. I totally stopped eavesdropping on my neighbors. Unless they’re fighting, then all bets are off. What?! My name’s not SAINT Teddy!
5. I was even super sweet to Violet! After I diagnosed her with a severe case of lactose intolerance, I stole her stash of Milk Bones. Pretty sure I saved her life.
6. Mom hates doing her hair so I snuck into the shower, emptied her shampoo bottle and filled it up with Nair. Now she’s a changed woman! She cries happy tears all day long and she’s so grateful, she never wants to leave my side. Must be why she hasn’t left the house since. Win-win!
7. I used to hog the TV. Now, I just watch a little football.
OK, time for my demands – err – Christmas list.
My Super Modest List
1. Please make me 3 inches taller so Violet doesn’t get me in her death grip every time she walks by. Not to mention, her breath be stanky.
2. Please install a secret doggie door to the cheese drawer. And some more gourmet options wouldn’t hurt either.
3. For the love of dog, please, please, please get me some heavy duty nose plugs. Those car rides after a Taco Bell run are brutal.
OK, well that’s it, Santa! Told ya I’ve been a super duper good boy!
Love,
Teddy the Spaz Man(the bestest boy in the whole wide world)
P.S. I do have ONE confession. Ya know how my neighbor Mr. Johnson always be trippin’? Well, I kinda push him. Heh, heh, just call me Rude-olph.
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