I love Halloween! It’s the time of year to be anyone you want and escape reality, because let’s face it, being a stud 24/7 is exhausting.
My first idea was to be a cat burglar, so I dressed the part and waited for the perfect victim. Then Mama Kitty walked by and swiped at me, and it reminded me that one cat is more than enough. So, nope − I would will not be stealing a cat this year.
I went to the Woofstock Dog Park to mingle with my own, when this cute Beagle started playing the “Y.M.C.A.” song. Naturally, we all stopped to do the dance – ‘cause who doesn’t? Then it hit me! I’d make an awesome Village People … err Person! So, I donned my shiny hot pants and flashed the she-dogs my sweet side. Big mistake! Hordes of Poodles, Shih-Tzus and an overly ebullient Great Dane nearly mauled me. Dang, maybe I can’t escape being a stud.
As I headed west down the trail, the unmistakable excitement of a football game filled the air. “Aha!” I thought, “I’ll be a cheerleader!” Within minutes, I was standing smack dab in the middle of Woodstock High School’s football field, and I must’a looked good ‘cause you could’a heard a pin drop. I kicked up my gams and cheered, “2, 4, 6, 8 who do we appreciate? Spaz Man, Spaz Man!”
The fans erupted. “Boo! Get off the field! Go home!” they yelled.
“Rude!” I thought. So, as I was being escorted off the field by a couple of beefy seniors, I turned to the stands and chanted, “2, 4, 6, 8 don’t hate ‘cause I’m so great. Pfft.”
Annoyed, I shoved my earbuds in and cranked up some Guns N’ Roses. Before I knew it, I was head bangin’ and playin’ my air guitar right there on the trail, and then it dawned on me. Why was I trying to be something I’m not? I’m a rock star and I’ve always been a rock star.
So, meet Teddy the Slash Man! And yes, I will be takin’ the she-dogs down to Paradise City, baby! Aaawooooooooo!
– Teddy the Spaz Man, a social media dog and not-so-humble Hallmark star living in downtown Woodstock.